ILJ BoardsAutomatic registration has been closed. If you would like to become a member here, please email  

Go Back   ILJ Boards > Ask A Pastor

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-12-06, 11:07 AM
tina_2983 tina_2983 is offline
Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2
Default sex before marriage in a committed relationship

hi!im facing a lot of confusion regarding this.i know the bible wants us to abstain from sex before marriage because of the commtiment implications-giving yourself to just one person-your life partner.i am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man,and we want to get married.however we will have to wait for at least a year before we can because he is at present doing an mba.once that is done,we have decided to tie the knot.i want to know if god would regard me as a sinner because we are intimately involved,even though we are committed and are devoted to one another,and plan to get married?
Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-06, 03:54 PM
lap7's Avatar
lap7 lap7 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Alabama
Posts: 8,633

Well, I have found that most ppl struggle with the same problem. As a matter of fact, I was reading just this morning I Cor. 7:25-40, Paul talks about marriage and Romans 7:1 (and verses following) speak about this- Matthew 5:27-30 are the words of Jesus on this matter.
I would counsel you, if you can't wait, do like a few couples I know, slip off and get married at a Justice of the Peace, courthouse, etc. and it will cost you a very little amt., and you don't have to tell anyone that you are married until your wedding.
I had 2 couples that did this and I married them both in a big wedding, with no one the wiser, except for me.
I think it would be better for you to go ahead and make it legal, and have a service whenever you want to have it. Some of the couples I've dealt with have felt the need to seek God's blessing in the church after they married, for whatever reason, some of them not even living together until they married, and some of them did. I encourage you to do what is right, because the blessing of God is real, and when you go according to His word, you will not go wrong, and not have to worry about whether He is upset with you or not.
So, my suggestion is-do the right thing as it comes to the will of God.
Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-06, 04:47 PM
Ann's Avatar
Ann Ann is offline
Join Date: Oct 1998
Location: GA
Posts: 34,963

Hello Tina welcome to ilj
There is more to God's saying no sex outside marriage than just committment issues. Beyond that many ppl who felt committed and decided that gave them grounds to live together and/or have sex have had a change of feelings in a year, 6 month, 3 months. In the non-net world I work with many single moms who were sure they would never have to raise a child alone because they and their BF were committed but one or both got uncommitted and of course they were sure there wouldn't be a baby before marriage and now there is one or 2 or 3 and paternity must be established and child support obtained and someone has to explain why daddy went away.

It goes beyond that too into the whole thing of what our relationship with God is, do we really trust Him, and who is Lord in our life. God told Adam and Eve simply don't eat of the fruit of that one tree. The serpent came along and told them God didn't really mean it and even if He did He didn't say it because He wants the best for them or is wiser than they are or has a right to make the rules. So they ate it and we all suffer the consequences. (see Genesis 3)

You are listening to the same kind of reasoning. God said no sex outside marriage. He calls sex outside marriage adultery when 1 or both are married to someone else and fornication when they are not. 1 Corinthians 6:13 says "Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. " Verse 18 of the same chapter makes it even clearer "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. Galatians 5:19&20 says "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. " Ephesians 5:3 tells us "But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; " There are a lot more but this is enough for you to see that sex before marriage even with a feeling of comittement is something God very strongly says NO about. He doesn't say don't do it unless you really want to, or don't do it unless it is economoically convenient, or don't do it unless you think you'll get married. He says don't do it. You know that sin is doing what God says not to do and not doing what God says to do. God is not just trying to deprive you of pleasure or be mean to you. He really does know what is best for you.

Who is God in your life at this point? Is He someone far off in heaven just making a lot of rules or is He your Father who cares for you so much He sent His only Son to die for you to set you free from sin and bring you into a relationship with Him? Who is Jesus Christ to you? A good man? A teacher? A historical figure? Or someone who loves you so much He willingly took your sin on Himself and died for you? Does He live in your heart? Is He Lord in your life? Is He just a fire escape or a cuss word? Do you know how much He loves you? Do you love Him? It's not just about rules it's about a relationship with God in Christ. If you are not sure you have that relationship let's talk some mpore about it.
1Peter 2:24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. ... Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. Matthew 25:40 & 45
Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-06, 12:19 AM
Multimom's Avatar
Multimom Multimom is offline
Moderator Lite
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Movie Land, Texas
Posts: 1,674

Take is from someone who's been there. There is no regret greater than having sex before marriage. What a tragic mistake it is to not have that gift to give to your spouse on your wedding day.

My greatest regret is this very thing. Do the civil thing if you wish so that you aren't sinning. You can seriously damage a beautiful relationship by allowing a fleshly desire to dominate your life. If it is a truly "committed" relationship, then you should have no barrier to marriage. What you have now is not truly committed. Committment begins when the "I don't like you's begin." (Every marriage has those days) Staying with someone when the "warm fuzzies" end is real committment. A promise of marriage isn't a committment. It's just a promise and promises are often broken.

True committment comes for a woman when you disagree and still do it his way. When you are angry and dating you can get up and go home, when you are angry and married you are home and you have to get in bed next to them, even though you may wish you could knock their lights out. You lay there and listen as they snor and you fume.

I said this to earlier, real marriage and love begins when the warm (or hot) fuzzies end. The physical isn't the marriage but it is an important part and should be guarded just as you would anything you cherish.

Don't sacrifice the gift for a moment that you both will regret. Also, studies have shown that people who are physically involved before marriage have a greater incidence of divorce than those who wait for the physical until after the I do's.
LeAnn R.

Like arrows in the hands of a skilled bowman, so are the children of one's youth.

Zachariah (coming prophetic child), Gabrielle, Mikaela, Hannah, Faith and Canaan

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly.
Reply With Quote

adutery, bible, brekup, church marriage, civil marriage, committed, committment, divorce, fatherless children, fornication, living together, marriage, sex, shacking up, single mothers, virginity

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:52 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2001-2010

Avatar art used by permission and is copyrighted by Poul Carlson of
Some smilies provided by and are the property of MazeGuy