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Old 08-29-11, 11:18 AM
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janny108 janny108 is offline
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Default relating in church

social club vs fellowship

how can you tell the difference?
In other churches in the past I made friends. Here I'm having a hard time a bit and I've lived here 10 years and have been with this church for 1 yr. I can't compete with these folks that have known each other for years. I guess I feel if I'm too nice and open up a little, I will get blown off and a lot of people like their little groups.
Anyone else have a hard time relating in church?

Seems like the big emphasis is how many events in church you go to which makes me think it's more about being social. I mean they are good christians but that's what it feels like. Also my daughter is almost 13 she's old enough to be involved in youth, and my husband just goes to service and maybe an evening service. I'd like for all of us to be seen as a family and make friends as such.
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Old 08-29-11, 04:06 PM
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Hello Jan
In Ask you will get pretty much one point of view - would you like me to copy this to CF or Doorway so others can reply too?

I understand I wish I did not understand as well as I do. The last church we went to Charles felt very accepted and at home and I felt like very much an outsider. Some of that was me, and us. Some was that many of those people have known each other not just years but generations and having that common history of course relate more closely to each other yet some were wonderful prayer warriors and cheerleaders for Charles when he needed them so much. Many times people are caught up in their own lives, situations, problems, business and just don't think to reach out or are not sure their reaching out is welcome. When we first came to the mountains we were blessed with a church that was very gifted in welcoming people and inviting them into the church family so I know it is possible. Maybe I was spoiled because after that pastor died there has not been another place where there was that same sense of being home. So I am not sure I am the best person to reply with something useful.

One thing I have learned is that volunteering to help is usually - not always but usually - a way to fit in especially if you are helping with things that several people do together. For ex if your church has covered dish meals offer to help clean up. Most people won't so the few who do become somewhat close. Making a point to speak to people, to ask and then listen how they are how something went if we know of something in their lives, ask advice people love to give advice and of course you are free to take or not take their suggestions. You might even ask other moms of young teens how to help Ashley bond more closely to the church. You can possibly think of other things that fit your situation.

For you as for me part of us is looking for social connections even while we say sadly that things are a social club,
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1Peter 2:24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. ... Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. Matthew 25:40 & 45

www.caringhandsministries.com
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Old 08-29-11, 04:51 PM
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Hi Ann,
Yes you can post this elsewhere in the forums.

Yes I do volunteer as a greeter and also help out in the office even if it's folding the bulletins.
I have taken a meal out to a sick person too. I've done this with several churches.

funny but I ask how people are and they don't ask me. the last person who asked me about my personal life was my doctor! It was not a medical limited conversation either, she really wanted to know. And that meant a lot to me.
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Old 08-30-11, 02:13 PM
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Yesterday we had a meeting with our mortgage broker. She goes to Calvary chapel where we went for awhile. I guess things have changed and they have home fellowships now. The pastor is a pretty solid teacher too. They also have Sat night services.

This got us excited. How do we gracefully leave this other church if we want to do so? I talked with Jackie for awhile and we agreed church should be about God and His word. It was an edifying conversation.
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Old 08-30-11, 03:52 PM
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sounds nice

Visit Calvary Chapel a few times preferably for different services and of course pray about it and be sure that is the direction you and the Lord want you to go. If you become sure it is then make an appointment with the pastor where you have been going and tell him you all feel God is leading you back to Calvary Chapel and you would like to go with the blessing of the church and with his blessing. Don't get into a whole long comparison thing just that Calvary is the place you believe God wants you at that point. Tell him that you will be praying for the church you are leaving and asking God to bless it. Also tell him that you dislike people who go around talking bad about a church they used to go to and you know God dislikes it and that you have no intention of doing that. Then pray together briefly and go. If anyone from the old church asks or if you feel to say something to them just say the same thing that you believe that Calvary is where God wants your family at that time. You do not owe anyone a list of reasons. You do not owe anyone the opportunity to try to analyze or talk you out of it and there is not a lot someone can legitimately say against wanting to obey the Lord. If you have friends at the church where you are now that you want to be in touch with call some or get together but steer the conversation away from church differences. If you are being blessed and growing in Jesus it will show.

*****************************
Father thank You for opening this new possibility for Jan and her family. Please lead and guide them and show them where You want them at this time in their lives in Jesus' name. Thank You.
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1Peter 2:24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. ... Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. Matthew 25:40 & 45

www.caringhandsministries.com
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