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Old 09-18-08, 04:35 AM
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Charles Charles is offline
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Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: Cleveland, GA USA
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Unforgivness does cause a barrier between us and God. In the Lord's Prayer Jesus teaches us to pray forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

I can understand a bit of where you are coming from on this. My parents separated before I was born and shortly I had a stepfather who had a very bad temper and seemed to focus it on me a lot. My mother gave me away to her parents who were generally good to me but never affectionate. I resented everything about the situation from the physical hurts to the rejection and feeling that both parents had thrown me away. My father lived in the same town but did not support unless I was sent to beg for it and did not allow me to be part of his life. My two sets of grandparents hated each other. I felt that my step siblings had a mom and I didn't. I was in church when I was little but got into some really bad things as I got into my teens. My aunt and uncle tried but all I got out of that was some religion and religion couldn't fix me. Finally the Lord got through to me and I was born again and very on fire for God. It has not been easy bit it has also now not been my effort really but now I have a relationship with my mother and with my stepfather. I probably have a closer relationship with them than my step brother and stepsisters do. I couldn't forgive on my own I had to ask Jesus to do it in me. There was no other way. He taught me that forgiving is a choice not a feeling. Going to the cross was a choice. It did not feel good to Him but it was necessary. There was no other way that would work. There was no other way that would work for me about my family either. I could either forgive them or block myself off from God's forgiving me and I needed a lot of God's forgiveness. I did not get warm sweet feelings for them right away. I did get an ability to tolerate them and that was pretty big. I had to ask Jesus to help me love them with His love.

You say you want to forgive but can't. Do you want to forgive or to feel like you've forgiven? There is a difference. You did not take your salvation just on feelings. You didnít feel saved before you received the Lord, did you? You won't feel forgiving towards your mother before you forgive either. Make the choice. Pray for her and bless her the way Jesus said in Matthew 5. You may have already done this and just got messed up because you thought you were supposed to feel something that you were not feeling yet.

The devil is giving you a hard time because you don't have certain emotions. The emotions don't determine if you forgave. An apple seed may take a long time to become a tree with apple on it but it is an apple seed not a prune from the first moment. The choice to forgive will grow and bear fruit in your life but it too may take time just like the apple tree. The devil is the accuser of the brethern. He is also a liar and the father of lies. He's been screaming condemnation in your ear and you've been listening. Quit listening. You're doing a lot of the right things, using God's word to answer the accusations. But partly you are believing the lies too.

Do you have any Christian fellowship there? Anyone who encourages you to know who you really are in Jesus? Any place you worship together with brothers and sisters in Jesus and learn His word? Be careful who you listen to. Some advice and counsel you get is not a good thing. The ways of Jesus and the ways of the world are very different. The world says someone must be sorry before we can forgive. Jesus just says forgive. The world says feel all the pain. Jesus says I bore your pain and your sorrows and your sins. The world says some things damage you beyond recovery. Jesus says you are a new creature in Him.

Forgive yourself for not forgiving. Give that sin too to Jesus and let Him make you clean and free from it. Once you give it to Him it's not yours any more. You don't have to struggle with it. Put your attention onto Jesus and not onto the sin and trust Him tom take care of it and you.

I am not a psychiatrist but I have been an ordained minister and counselor since 1980. I've seen Jesus do a lot of things. I've seen Him heal a lot of people's hurts that the world said could not be healed. I have never seen Him fail. He won't fail you.

I will be praying for you.
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